Interview With Author Alban Cole
Tell us about yourself and how many books you have written.
I’m Alban Cole—life coach, speaker, and author focused on helping people break free from social anxiety, overthinking, and insecure relationship patterns. My work centers on practical emotional healing strategies, especially for those navigating anxious attachment, emotional isolation, and the pressures of digital life.
My journey into this space is deeply personal. I spent years struggling with social anxiety and anxious attachment myself—constantly overanalyzing every interaction, fearing judgment, and relying on digital validation just to feel okay. Through consistent inner work, exposure therapy, and mindset shifts, I rewired those patterns and built the confidence and clarity I now help others develop.
My goal is to give people real tools—not just theory—to build emotional strength, authentic connection, and self-trust in an overstimulated world.
What is the name of your latest book and what inspired it?
My latest book is called Emotional Intelligence Unlocked: How Anyone Can Build Self-Awareness, Empathy, and Social Skills for Success at Work and in Life.
What inspired it? Honestly, the world we’re living in right now. I kept seeing the same patterns in the people I coach—brilliant, capable individuals who struggle not because they lack talent or intelligence, but because they’ve never been taught how to manage emotions, connect with others, or navigate stress effectively. Emotional intelligence isn’t something most of us learn in school, yet it affects everything—how we handle pressure, how we resolve conflict, how we lead, how we love.
I wanted to write a book that strips away the fluff and gives people real, usable tools to grow their EQ—whether they’re trying to communicate better at work, improve their relationships, or just feel more in control of their emotions. It’s about showing that emotional intelligence isn’t a personality trait—it’s a skill anyone can build.
Do you have any unusual writing habits?
I wouldn’t call them unusual, but I do have a few routines that keep me focused and honest. I write early in the morning—before emails, noise, and distractions take over. That’s when my thinking is the clearest, and I’m not filtering ideas through anyone else’s expectations.
Before I start, I ask myself one question: “What real problem am I helping someone solve right now?” That keeps me grounded in purpose. I don’t write to impress—I write to be useful.
Another habit is talking through tough sections out loud. I’ll pace around, record voice notes, and listen back like I’m coaching someone. It helps me cut through jargon and get to the heart of what I really mean.
And I always keep a “brain dump” doc open. That’s where I throw unfiltered, messy thoughts without worrying about grammar or structure. It’s a great way to beat perfectionism and find the raw material that eventually becomes something strong.
What authors, or books have influenced you?
A few authors have had a big impact on both my personal growth and my writing approach.
Brené Brown was a major influence early on—her work on vulnerability and shame helped me understand that emotional strength comes from honesty, not from pretending to have it all together. The Gifts of Imperfection shifted how I looked at connection and self-worth.
Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* also made a strong impression. His no-nonsense, cut-the-fluff style showed me that you can be direct, even blunt, and still connect deeply with readers. That balance of truth and clarity stuck with me.
In terms of attachment and relationships, Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller opened my eyes to the patterns I was stuck in for years. That book laid the groundwork for my own healing and eventually led to my writing Anxious Attachment Recovery Workbook.
I also have a lot of respect for psychologists and researchers like Daniel Goleman, whose book Emotional Intelligence laid the foundation for understanding EQ as a real, trainable skill—not just a feel-good buzzword. His work helped shape the direction of Emotional Intelligence Unlocked.
Each of these authors brought something different—depth, clarity, honesty—and I try to carry all of that into my own work.
What are you working on now?
Right now, I’m deep into my next book, which explores Internal Family Systems (IFS)—a powerful approach to understanding the different “parts” of ourselves that shape how we think, feel, and act.
After helping readers navigate anxious attachment and build emotional intelligence, the natural next step is going inward to explore the inner conflicts we all carry. IFS gives people a framework to understand why one part of them wants love and connection, while another part pushes people away out of fear. Or why we sabotage our progress even when we want to heal.
This next book will break IFS down into clear, practical tools—no jargon, no overwhelming theory—just real strategies to help readers understand their inner world, heal old wounds, and create lasting change from the inside out.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re fighting yourself, this book is for you.
What is your best method or website when it comes to promoting your books?
The best method for me has been combining Amazon optimization with authentic content marketing.
Amazon is the #1 platform I focus on—it’s where most readers are already searching. So I treat my book page like a landing page: strong title, keyword-rich subtitle, a clear and compelling description, and solid reviews. I also use Amazon ads to target readers already interested in topics like emotional intelligence, attachment theory, or anxiety relief.
Outside of Amazon, Instagram and TikTok have been powerful for connecting with readers. Not through hard selling, but by sharing real insights—bite-sized advice, healing tools, and personal stories that resonate. People engage with what feels honest, and when they connect with the content, they want to go deeper. That’s where the book comes in.
Email marketing is another key piece. I offer free guides or mini-workbooks to help people get started, then build trust through weekly emails packed with value. When you focus on helping first, promoting the book feels natural—not forced.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
Yes—plenty. Here’s the straight truth:
Don’t wait for clarity. Start messy.
Most new authors stall waiting for the perfect outline, title, or structure. Forget that. Start writing. Clarity comes through doing, not thinking.
Write for one real person.
Don’t write for “everyone.” Picture someone who’s struggling with the exact problem your book solves. Write like you’re speaking directly to them—clear, honest, and without pretense.
Stop chasing perfect. Ship real.
Perfect doesn’t exist. What matters is usefulness. Does your book help? Does it move someone forward? If yes, get it out there. You can’t help anyone with a manuscript stuck in your head.
What is the best advice you have ever heard?
“If you want to go deep, start with what’s true.”
That advice changed how I write, coach, and live. We spend so much time trying to sound smart, be impressive, or say the “right” thing. But truth cuts through noise. Whether you’re writing a book, having a tough conversation, or figuring out your next step in life—start with what’s real, even if it’s messy or uncomfortable.
Truth builds trust. And trust is everything—especially in personal development. People don’t want perfect. They want real. That advice reminded me to stop hiding behind polished language or surface-level answers and to speak directly, honestly, and with purpose. It’s the foundation of everything I create.
What are you reading now?
Right now, I’m reading No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Since my next book is focused on IFS, I’m revisiting the core ideas straight from the source.
It’s one of those books that challenges how you see yourself—it doesn’t just explain theory; it shifts your inner dialogue. Schwartz’s message—that every part of us, even the ones we try to hide or silence, has a purpose—is powerful. It aligns with what I teach: healing doesn’t come from fighting yourself, it comes from understanding and integrating all your parts.
I’m also dipping into The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk again. It’s a dense but essential read when you’re writing about trauma, healing, and emotional regulation. Both books remind me how interconnected our emotional lives are—mind, body, memory, and self.
It’s heavy stuff, but necessary if you’re serious about writing books that actually help people change.
What’s next for you as a writer?
Next up is my book on Internal Family Systems (IFS)—a guide to understanding and healing the different “parts” of yourself that shape your emotions, decisions, and relationships. This book is about going deeper than surface-level self-help. It’s for people who’ve done the mindset work, tried the journaling, read the advice—but still feel stuck in cycles they can’t explain.
I want to make IFS practical and approachable. Not just theory, but a hands-on roadmap for identifying inner conflicts, healing protective patterns, and building a stronger, more integrated sense of self.
Beyond that, I’m planning a companion journal series for readers who want to go step-by-step through emotional growth—tools for anxious attachment, emotional regulation, self-compassion, and personal boundaries.
Long term, I want to expand my work into more workshops, courses, and speaking—taking the core ideas from my books and turning them into live, transformational experiences. Writing is the foundation, but impact happens when people apply it—and that’s where I’m headed.
If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and allowed to take 3 or 4 books with you what books would you bring?
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
This book never stops delivering. It’s raw, profound, and grounding. If I’m stranded, I want something that reminds me that purpose can survive even the worst circumstances—and that mindset is everything.
No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz
It’s not just a book—it’s a mirror. On an island with no distractions, I’d have time to do serious inner work, and this would be my go-to for exploring the internal system we all carry. It’s like having a therapist in book form.
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Simple, poetic, and timeless. It cuts straight to the core of love, loss, freedom, and human nature. The kind of book you can read a hundred times and still find something new.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Stoic wisdom for staying grounded and mentally sharp in solitude. Perfect for staying sane, focused, and emotionally steady when there’s nothing but ocean and silence.
If I’m stuck out there, I want books that keep my mind strong, my emotions balanced, and my sense of self alive. These four cover all of that.
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