Interview With Author David Lasaine
Tell us about yourself and how many books you have written.
Hello and thanks for taking the time to read about me. My name is David Lasaine. How do I talk about myself? It’s not an easy thing to do, but I’ll give it a shot.
I was a single dad who raised 2 toddlers. For 6 years, I read to them every night starting with the Golden Books. After a few weeks, I realized those were boring. So, I started reading classics to them such as Alice In Wonderland, Gulliver’s Travels, and even Paddington Bear. Then, when we got through a bunch of that, I started making up my own stories for them. Every night I came up with something new. Back in 1994, I told them a story called Sleepyland Slide. It was a bedtime story. I wrote it out in the bedroom. It was a one-page story. That story was finally finished last year!!!. Now, it’s on Amazon as an eBook and Audiobook. HA. Once they became adults, life as an empty nester was quite quiet. Life was just rolling along…my papa was a rolling stone…no…ACTUALLY, it was during the TMP/CLTN election I began to write on FB a nightly little thing called, “What Frosts My Nuts”. I was ranting about how society was acting. A woman saw my rants and asked me to write for her website. I told her I was not a writer. I failed English every year in high school. Her response was, I could tell a story and not many writers can do that anymore. She liked my style. What was my style? Bellbottoms and t-shirts? No, I grew up around old people with stories of how they walked to school UPHILL BOTH WAYS in the worst blizzards and rainstorms both at the SAME TIME with NO SHOES. Well, I have to say, life might have been a little tough for them. But for me…I got to listen to endless stories about The Inner Sanctum, The Lone Ranger, the ORIGINAL Black and White Batman from the 1930s, and so much more. Add to those brain cells: MAD Magazine, House of Mystery, House of Secrets comic books, AND Bozo the Clown. Hard Rock, Coco, and Joe, the Marx Brothers…well you might get the idea now where my creativity came from. EVERYWHERE. I am an eclectic eccentric serious yet sarcastic writer.
The articles I wrote for the website were in total about 55. Maybe 3 of them were political. The rest were from the bowels of my mind. I wrote about talking cows addressing the Death Penalty (in their narrative), and Mother Earth talking to Humans about tearing her up for money, I even wrote an article about being bored and going to a Chinese Buffet. There I wrote about the experience of opening a fortune cookie. A man from India, sent me a message via FB saying it was h funniest thing he read. For a year all contributors were volunteer writers. But after a year, I asked if they could pay even $10 for an article. After all, who else can mind meld and write in the narrative of anything speaking? Their answer was no, they pay no one for anything. My ego was crushed. Not really. I was just surprised I actually wrote something which made sense and people liked. I stopped writing. Again, life did what it did. Years rolled by. I moved to a rural area and I spent a lot of time outside with my dogs and my camera. The life in raw nature and my dogs made something click in my mind. I finished the first draft of Sleepyland Slide but put it in a box. Then, one night in 2017, I was hit in the head by a hippopotamus! Well, actually, it was my fault because I wasn’t watching where I was walking. If you don’t think I am nuts yet…just give it a few more minutes of your time. I still have to answer the second part of the question.
I told my veterinarian I will have the most undiscovered books in modern history. (I’m joking) But I do have a BOX full of started children’s stories, and half a novel finished. Well, that hippo left a giant crack in my skull which allowed out all the creativity inside me. I just rescued my second dog who was terribly abused. So, now I had 2 Emotional Support Animals which went everywhere with me. What was cool was they listened so well off-leash, nobody complained when we walked into the antique mall and the dogs would just go wherever they wanted. They had their own minds I learned and as with my previous ability to mind meld…I realized I should write their story. So, for two weeks I stayed up 20 hours a day writing their book using their voice. It was called Bailey and Bambaloo Rescued Dogs Tell Their Stories. I sold ALOT of books face to face to people but maybe a few on the Amaz site. I didn’t do much else after that in writing UNTIL…I started my novel, which has now sat for 5 years half done…in a box. Along with all the others. How many books have I written? Let’s see, I changed the title of the first book of the dogs to Happy Tails of Bailey and Bambaloo and changed the cover to have 2 smiling happy dogs. I have Sleepyland Slide, then there is the book I pulled off because the title was wrong. That was called: Massage Stories: Tales from the Table. Wrong title. It’s about life lessons, not erotica. So, that sits in the box. Just needs a new title and cover. What else is actually DONE? The next two books I will write about in the next section because of a very special reason for which I become a much different person.
What is the name of your latest book and what inspired it?
Congratulations! You made it to section 2. Thank you. I really do appreciate your time. Since the end of December, many things changed. I turned 65, and the worst was yet to come.
In mid-January, Bambaloo began to drink a ton of water. It turned out she had the beginning stages of diabetes, but I could not afford the treatment. The fun and laughter of my creativity were now dark and I was in a deep void. There was no emotion other than anger in me as I learned about many things related to dogs and illnesses. After a major mental struggle, a battle equal to Dante’s painting of Hell, I had to decide to end Bambaloo’s life. I was a changed man. I was once a patient kind caring person. Now, I turned into a quick-to-anger, impatient man. I know it is only temporary. But one day I hear her voice at the end of February. I heard, “Don’t give up. Keep writing your Emotional Support Dog Series. Save another soul and love her unconditionally as you have done for me.” I was outside with Bailey in the snow and cried. I was a sobbing blubbering 65-year-old 6-foot-tall guy crying his head off. I finished, “Bailey and Bambaloo in the Great Chocolate Chip Cookie Caper, and Euthanizing My Best Friend: A Personal Journey on Decision, Death, Grief, and Healing. I wrote those two books in 3 weeks. Literally nonstop writing except to sleep for a couple of hours and take Bailey out and eat each day. I have a list of 7 other dog books to write. The novel can wait. My dogs always came first to me. Who inspired my writing? Bambaloo McWigglybutt Lasaine, my Emotional Support Animal.
Do you have any unusual writing habits?
That is an interesting question. I am left-handed. Does that count? What is unusual to me? I guess it would be not writing anything until it’s dark outside and there is no longer any noise in my ears from airplanes, cars, or sunlight in my eyes. I keep my eyes closed sometimes while I write seeing the imagery in my mind. I do have an antique stuffed bear on my desk that holds my glasses and a rubber ball. No, that part isn’t unusual. I think the hungrier I am, the better I write. I am literally a STARVING ARTIST. I think not wearing clothes while writing is normal, so I will leave that out as unusual. I can’t really think of anything else at this time…oh…I need a cookie.
What authors, or books have influenced you?
That is a question worth a thousand answers. But I will only give a few. Number one all-time author to me is and always will be…if you can answer this hint. “Hello, I came, I must be going.” or…”I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member.” or…”I shot an elephant in my pajamas, I’ll never know how he got in them.” If you are familiar with any of those quotes I won’t have to tell you he was Groucho Marx. Oops…I just told you. Sorry. Other authors, Ray Bradbury, Mad Magazine William B. Gaines and the Usual Gang of Idiots, anything Rod Sterling, Alfred Hitchcock, and MOST RECENTLY…a little more mature reading by Mark Twain, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca the Younger, the Book of Mirdad, the Uncensored version of The Jungle by Upton Sinclair, the autobiography of Blackhawk a Warrior translated by an Englishman, I have a book called The Book Of Knowledge which I love. It’s just full of quotes from various people throughout history. Even though the 1st edition was in the late 1800s, my edition IRONICALLY is my birth year. Wow. Shiver me timbers. I enjoy Brothers Grimm, Aesop’s Fables, Mexican Fables, a book of articles 1st witness accounts of life in America during the 1930s. There is only one book I EVER THREW OUT. I could not stand reading Custers Autobiography. The man was almost as disgusting as Andrew Jackson, the creator of the Trail of Tears, the Ingenious people’s Hitler, yet he is on our currency. Am I political? Not really. I am an independent THINKER though.
What are you working on now?
Hold on, let me get my Bozo Wheel and spin it…round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows. Eenee, meanie, minee, moe…my mother punched your mother in the nose…what color blood was it? G-R-E-E-N…and-you-are-out. Does that answer your question? I want to do a book about Bailey to stay within my Emotional Support Animal Series. I have a title, but I read some people sneak ideas away, so I will keep it under my hat. Yes, I do wear a 1948 Stetson Fedora when I write. (that might fall in the unusual?)
What is your best method or website when it comes to promoting your books?
My best method to be absolutely completely Boy Scout honest was face-to-face sales. I don’t have a website and will not. I will not use Social Media except for sites like this. Even though I have my books on Amazon, I do equal them as being like a dog with fleas. Anyone can write a book and self-publish it there. So…what I do is order my own books and sell them the old fashion way. It’s much more fun.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
Honestly? As a man of many minds, and little money, I see many people writing books. Write about what YOU LIKE. I would say, don’t do romance novels…good lord. Why is there never a guy with a big round belly on the cover of those books? I would say…stay away from those ads which send you a free self-publishing kit. Save your money. Do it yourself. Just enjoy the journey and be proud you accomplished something even if you only sell 10 books. I was once so excited when I finished that first book and thought…OMG…what if I sell so many I lose my Social Security? Well, look at the online sites and see how many books people sell. Go to the bookstore and look at the shelves and see all that paper of what? Romance novels of the same plot. Boring. Just write what you like. Period.
What is the best advice you have ever heard?
When I am done laughing at my first thought related to men/women/and the toilet seat, I’ll answer that one seriously.
One of my massage clients was a retired University President and a teacher. Now he is dead I can say his name, is Roger Fritz. He wrote over a dozen books which can be found online. I wrote a chapter in my massage book about him. The chapter is called: “Grabbing at Straws”.
When I was younger and my boys were little, I had so many goals of what to do. I was new at massage therapy, I loved to tell stories, and so many other grandiose ideas. In 15 years as a therapist, I never had a client who GAVE ME HOMEWORK at the end of the session. Every week, he asked me 100 questions. Even though he was retired, I was his TRAPPED student for an hour every week. His advice to me after listening to me for months was the best advice I ever got from any counselor, doctor, psychiatrist, magazine, you name it…his advice beat it all.
He said, “David, you are grabbing at straws. Write a list of everything in your mind on paper. Number them. Look at them. Pick one no matter what number you give it and put 100% of your energy toward that one item.” Years later, whenever I start to get scatterbrained and freak out about which action of any kind in my life to take, I remember what he said. That my dear reader is the best advice ANYONE I ever knew told me.
What are you reading now?
I’m trying not to be very sarcastic, so I won’t answer this by writing I am reading right now what I am writing to fill out this form. I would have to say as far as a book, I am reading parts of many. Mark Twain quotes the 4 Agreements, Animal Farm, and a whole bunch more. I can’t read one book at a time.
What’s next for you as a writer?
Memento Mori. To realize there is no guarantee there will be a next. I have two not-famous quotes I created: “Every present moment must be treasured for they are what may be our future memories.” The other is: “Thoughts and words which are not shared, die with the author for all eternity.” So, while I have thoughts of what is next, I do not expect a next. I have lived most of my life, and now each new day is a gift.
If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and allowed to take 3 or 4 books with you what books would you bring?
The first book I really don’t care about as long as it’s really soft, absorbent, and has many pages. The second book would have to be edible. The third book would be The Book of Knowledge, which I mentioned earlier. The fourth book would be The Complete Works of David Lasaine.
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