Tell us about yourself and how many books you have written.
I live in Japan. I don’t know what’s wrong with these people but practically no one speaks English. They create these odd sounds and act like they understand one another. But I don’t believe it for a minute. It’s pure gibberish.
Anyway, I don’t have anyone to talk to. For a while I had these imaginary friends who no one else could see. But they split when I wouldn’t share my dessert with them. Come on! They don’t even exist. Why should I give them any of my Rice Krispy treats?
Then I discovered writing. I thought, this is great! I make people up and give them dialogue. If I don’t like what they say or if they start getting an attitude, blam! I hit delete and they’re history.
So now I have lots of people to talk to. Actually, too many. I’ve got so many stories in my head, it’s starting to look like the mall on Black Friday. There’s a brawl going on in there all of the time and I can’t sleep. It’s making me crazy! Now my characters are organizing a union. I’ll tell you, it’s getting out of control!
What is the name of your latest book and what inspired it?
The Man Who Loved Too Much – Book 1: Archipelago
This book is very autobiographical. I am still working out issues connected to my being branded in Catholic school by a sadistic nun, my showing up at prom in a track suit (no one told me it was a formal), and being kidnapped by a tribe of Amazonian goddesses and forced to be a sperm donor (I might have imagined this).
Having said that, there are no characters which anyone can point to and say, “I know who that is, dude!” But certainly I drew on the general malaise of growing up in a blue collar (i.e. trailer park trash) community and trying to communicate with people who only had a seven word vocabulary. There are a number of scenes in the book which actually happened to me, though I was never used as a spit target in gym class nor was my first kiss from an atheist nun.
Do you have any unusual writing habits?
First, I turn on the fan. Then I usually realize I forgot to take out the garbage. So I do that. Of course, now I see there’s all sorts of gunk in the bottom of the garbage container from the tomatoes that went bad and the mushrooms that turned to slime. So I have to clean up that mess.
Finally, I sit down to write. Oops! Forgot to check my FB account. Whoa! 87 new notices. People loved that video I posted of a kitten chasing a rhinoceros. Hmm. Bad news. It looks like over 30 people deleted me as a friend. What did I do? Could it have been the blog I wrote about Mitt Romney being a pedophile?
I’m exhausted. Writing sure takes it out of me.
I decide I need a nap. I’ll get 20 winks, wake up fresh, ready to really roll!
I try to sleep. But they are slaughtering a yak next door, beating it to death with garden rakes. You’d think they could come up with a more humane way to kill the thing. Jeeeeez!
I take a sip of wine from a newly opened bottle to try to relax. I decide to just finish the whole thing off.
The next few hours are a blank. I wake up in the bathtub. I’m hugging a bag of fertilizer. The doorbell is ringing.
I run to see who it is. Ah! The post man. My new Fiction Writing software has arrived. Excellent! This could be the shot in the arm my career needs.
I spend the rest of the day trying to install the program. My Windows laptop keeps giving me error messages.
‘The library catalog file clutter_register.ini is missing. Please reinstall operating system.’
After five hours of this, I am famished!
I head down to the drive-thru window for Octopus Rainbow Glad Luck. It’s Chinese fast food. They refuse to serve me because I’m on a bicycle. I go inside. Everything is in Chinese. I order something by pointing. They bring me monkey entrails on a croissant. Not very appetizing.
This would be a total waste of time, except thinking ahead, I brought my computer. Munching away, keeping the blood and grease from dripping into my keyboard, I begin . . .
“Once upon a time, there was a large tree in the middle of an island. A boy of eleven years old leaned against it. A stranger approached him from behind. The boy turned. The man was wearing a ‘Mitt Romney for President’ button.”
What authors, or books have influenced you?
Jerzy Kosinski, Stanislaw Lem, Tom Robbins, John Irving, Sinclair Lewis, James Baldwin, Ken Kesey as fiction writers all affected me profoundly.
Neil Postman’s “Amusing Ourselves To Death” changed my life.
The Sears catalog was important during the early years of puberty.
What are you working on now?
Currently in development is a new novel set in Japan, another in Africa, and a creative non-fiction work, allegedly an account of my extensive travels, but more likely the product of the voices in my head which have plagued me since puberty. Is that a unicorn on my kitchen table?
I have already finished Books 2 and 3 of “The Man Who Loved Too Much Trilogy”. I put them in a safe and am holding an auction. Any reasonable bid which will set me up for life and I promise not to publish them.
What is your best method or website when it comes to promoting your books?
I found that bribing a key book reviewer at the New York Times works quite well but it can be pricey. I’ve tried posting videos of me poll dancing in a Buddhist temple but that attracted a strange following. I kept getting asked if my books were available in Tibetan. Same thing with hyperlinking to porn sites. Believe me, those people DON’T READ. I am thinking about putting a Bank of America logo on my banner to see if that works.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
If it feels good, do it.
Never take no for an answer.
There’s a reason for everything.
Avoid cliches.
What is the best advice you have ever heard?
Get out of the road! There’s a truck coming.
What are you reading now?
A phenomenal travel book about China! “44 Days Backpacking in China” by Jeff Brown. Great travel tips, political insights and commentary, brilliant observations about the culture of China past and present by someone who speaks Chinese fluently.
What’s next for you as a writer?
Backing up my hard drive.
If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and allowed to take 3 or 4 books with you what books would you bring?
“The Painted Bird” by Jerzy Kosinski.
“One Human Minute” by Stanislaw Lem.
“Infinite Jest” by David Foster Wallace.
“Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” by William Shirer.
Author Websites and Profiles
John Rachel Website
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