Tell us about yourself and how many books you have written.
Growing up feral I never thought I never thought I would be able to communicate with anything more than grunts, let alone write an entire book!
But here I am, having just published my very first book, my Magnum Dopus. Its beginnings were very humble. The very first chapter was written entirely with raccoon dung along the walls of my cave. And look at it now! Published by the most illustrious and exclusive book publisher in the entire world, Amazon!
If I can do it, you can do it too, Kids!
What is the name of your latest book and what inspired it?
I Will Light You On Fire: Live Forever or Your Money Back
I wanted a book title that would be funny and informative. Lighting you on fire is at once a metaphor for inspiring people to undertake their own health journey, and at the same time a joke about how I might actually light them on fire (which is purportedly not so good for one’s health).
I chose the subtitle “Live Forever or Your Money Back” because it communicates the real possibility of extending our lifespans, while at the same time poking fun at the whole health movement, which due to the inevitability of death, sometimes seems like an exercise in futility.
Do you have any unusual writing habits?
Well, like I said, the first chapter was originally written in raccoon faeces. But I don’t know if that counts as unusual, because I know at least a handful of authors who do the same thing.
What authors, or books have influenced you?
My favorite authors are Emerson and Hesse. These two are the OG of hard-hitting thoughts transmitted through beautiful prose.
What are you working on now?
Trying to get people to read this book. I’ve tried hiding it under the pillows of strangers, shouting excerpts from the rooftops, tying miniaturized versions to the feet of messenger pigeons, the works. It’s pretty rough going though. Us sensitive artist types weren’t made for the world of advertising.
What is your best method or website when it comes to promoting your books?
Threatening to unfriend my Facebook contacts if they don’t leave a review.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
Really think it through and decide early on what purpose you want this book to serve.
What is the best advice you have ever heard?
“Do not ask who will let you, but rather who will stop you.” – Ayn Rand
“Sexual healing is something that is good for you.” – Marvin Gaye
What are you reading now?
A comic book written in Chinese, it takes me about 20 minutes per page.
I still can’t get over that you read it from right to left. I’ve been reading it for weeks and I still open the book on the wrong side. xD
What’s next for you as a writer?
Well, if the experiences of my fellow writers are any indication, probably suicide.
No, I am just kidding, that is a crude joke, sorry.
I will probably take a break from writing for a while – writing a book is a seriously long, brutal process. Actually, the writing was the easiest part. I’ll be glad when this is all done.
If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and allowed to take 3 or 4 books with you what books would you bring?
2 on survival, 1 on ship making, and Fifty Shades of Gray (for toilet paper).
Author Websites and Profiles
Kellman Heinz Website
Kellman Heinz Amazon Profile
Kellman Heinz’s Social Media Links
Facebook Profile