Interview With Author Mindy Willens
Tell us about yourself and how many books you have written.
I have a children’s book, A Hero Named Nikki, available on Amazon and others in the pipeline. However, something so jarring happened in my life that I put everything aside to focus on creating this safety guide for singles today called Date Smart: QuickStart.
PROFESSIONALLY,
Drawing from my teaching background and dating app expertise, both as a consumer and a dating app developer, my experience with this subject “dates” back to the dinosaur days of online dating when Craig’s List was among the only options. Finding a compatible match was so difficult that I ultimately co-founded a dating app called Precisely. I had to learn and test the options available in the app-based love landscape and also speak with authority on the features of competing apps.
This drew in people of all ages and varied backgrounds to approach me for dating advice. Many were hesitant to share their interest in finding love and companionship on an app. They needed guidance, support, and reassurance. And that’s when I created my comprehensive guidebook. I poured my heart and soul into developing a program that addresses the unique challenges we face in safeguarding our emotional and physical wellbeing when we put ourselves out there to find love.
PERSONALLY,
I wish I had this to offer my little sister when she was dating online. She got into a relationship with someone I can only describe as a walking red flag. Slowly, she became secretive and withdrawn from all of us, acting entirely out of character in a number of alarming ways. We felt so helpless.
By the time we decided an intervention was necessary, it was too late. The boyfriend called us to say she had died. She was 25. Why didn’t we hear from the police? It was because when they arrived on the scene, he told them she had no family and that he was her only family. When we reached her apartment, he had taken her computer along with any artwork she had created. We later discovered 911 calls from domestic abuse incidents. As far as I know, he’s still out there.
As for me, I trusted someone who deceived not only me but everyone in my life. We planned our future together, had a wedding ceremony, even tried to start a family. But it was all a lie. I discovered that he had been cheating from the very beginning and wasn’t even single when we met! I have since scrolled past his dating profile, which stated, “you will be enraptured by my honesty.” He is still out there, too.
It was a bumpy road that led me to create this guidebook, but I didn’t let it break me. Instead, I channeled my tragedy into a driving force to help others. I wanted to ensure that no one else had to go through what I went through. I don’t always follow my own rules; they are created as I learn from past experiences (mine as well as other peoples’ “he’s still out there” stories). So, when I say that I understand the challenges and complexities of modern dating, it comes from a place of personal experience and a genuine desire to make sure no one feels alone or lost in this.
What is the name of your latest book and what inspired it?
After tragically losing my little sister to a guy she met online (Nicole Willens 1986-2012; 25 years old), and my own nightmare relationship with someone akin to the “Tinder Swindler,” I decided to create my own dating app to remedy the shortcomings of those available circa 2015. It broadened my perspective as people of all ages and varied backgrounds approached me for dating advice and access to my collection of resources. That’s what prompted me to author ‘Date Smart: Quickstart,’ a comprehensive dating survival guidebook. It’s packed with essential tips and tools to navigate the dating scene, presented in a unique flowchart format. This interactive approach allows you to “choose your own advice” as you read. I poured my heart and soul into developing a program that addresses the unique challenges we face in safeguarding our emotional and physical wellbeing when we put ourselves out there to find love and it launches January 2024.
Do you have any unusual writing habits?
Considering the unique format of this flowchart-style book, my writing involves quite a bit of mapping and plotting so all of the flows flow as intended and there are no loose ends.
What authors, or books have influenced you?
As a kid, I enjoyed choose-your-own-adventure books, which heavily influenced the way I organized my writing for Date Smart: QuickStart. When I considered writing the book to help singles stay safe as they date online, I wanted to do it in a way that readers can read only what applies to themselves in the most concise format.
What are you working on now?
Date Smart: QuickStart will be published January, 2024.
A Friend in the Form of a Book
Being single today is like entering a high-stakes game with unclear rules and unpredictable players. From love bombing to catfishing, the digital dating landscape is a minefield of scams and scenarios that can leave even the most hopeful romantics feeling wary and vulnerable. In this turbulent space, “Date Smart: Quickstart” emerges as a much-needed compass offering clarity amid the chaos.
Imagine having a friend who’s there to warn you, guide you, and inform you every step of the way. This book doesn’t just talk at you; it speaks with you. It’s a dialogue, an engaging exchange that respects your intelligence and your emotional journey with a blend of introspective questions and practical advice, all presented in a way that feels like a conversation with a trusted friend. “Date Smart: Quickstart” empathizes with the reader, understands the vulnerability, excitement, and sometimes frustration that comes with online dating.
A Uniquely Non-Linear Literary Experience
The true essence lies in its interactive approach, which mirrors the unpredictability and varied paths of the dating world. It’s an amalgamation of resources, answers, and tools presented in a flowchart format allowing readers to navigate through the book based on their own personal choices and situations. This choose-your-own-advice book, crafted with a blend of personal experience and professional insight, is more than just a survival guide—it’s a journey of self-exploration.
The 200 page guide and workbook covers a wide range of topics: relationship readiness, polishing your profile, creating your wishlist, navigating first meetings, questions to ask on your date, and safety checks. It also delves into deeper issues like identifying red flags, deep vetting, sex, and maintaining your boundaries. This approach empowers readers to make informed decisions, tailor their dating experience, and navigate the online dating ecosyste with confidence. Mindy Willens, the author and your guide, emphasizes, “I don’t tell you what to do; I ask what you want and offer resources and options to fit that goal.” With the reader taking an active part, it’s not just about finding the right partner; it’s about understanding yourself and your needs better.
Created From Personal Tragedy
Authored by someone who has walked the path and faced its challenges, the roots of “Date Smart: Quickstart” are deeply personal. Mindy transformed her tragedy—losing her sister to an ultimately fatal connection she made online—into a mission for safer digital connections. She co-founded the dating app Precisely, not only as a response to the pitfalls of online dating but as a platform for users to learn about themselves. Precisely was designed to reveal deeper insights to its users with each interaction. This endeavor laid the groundwork for “Date Smart: Quickstart,” a guide that embodies Mindy’s commitment to safety, awareness, and personal growth. It is more than just a book; it’s a companion on your journey through the online dating world, offering practical tools and strategies that make it an indispensable resource. It’s about unraveling the complexities of dating and discovering yourself in the quest for love.
What is your best method or website when it comes to promoting your books?
QuickStartDating.com is my website, but my hope is that when people see how valuable the content is, they will want to gift the book to someone in their lives who is dating online to keep their loved one safe.
Do you have any advice for new authors?
It may sound cliche, but when you get an idea, don’t be lazy! Write it down immediately!
What is the best advice you have ever heard?
You teach people how to treat you by observing or ignoring your boundaries from the beginning.
What are you reading now?
I’m reading Judy Carter’s “The Comedy Bible.” It’s a goal of mine to break through my fear and get on stage to try stand-up at some point in 2024.
What’s next for you as a writer?
I’d love to apply the flowchart format to other topics and create a Choose-Your-Own-Advice series.
If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and allowed to take 3 or 4 books with you what books would you bring?
They would be 3 of the thickest books I can find on sustainable living (specifically using resources from a desert island) and 1 thick empty journal.
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